Mom accepts her husband's help to calm her son down, but after 2 minutes, he gives up: "I'm not capable"

by Mark Bennett

September 17, 2022

Mom accepts her husband's help to calm her son down, but after 2 minutes, he gives up: "I'm not capable"
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The life of a parent can be very tiring, there is no doubt, especially if you are forced to manage work, home and your children at the same time. Help is needed, otherwise you risk burn-out. Although in modern families there is now a greater awareness of their roles and how husband and wife must share family tasks and responsibilities equally, the stereotype of the woman who takes care exclusively of young children still exists. Yet, there are many mothers who would like to spend just 10 minutes of peace: maybe having lunch alone, or taking a shower in peace. This is where husbands should step in to support their partners. A mother on TikTok explained, how husbands often provide "fake help", in an attempt to clear their consciences, but continuing to throw the burden of responsibilities related to her children onto the wife.

via TikTok / rebeccacraig47

TikTok / rebeccacraig47

TikTok / rebeccacraig47

Rebecca Craig posted a video on TikTok in which she said she was completely exhausted and had to take a break from her infant son, at least for lunchtime. A 10-month-old baby obviously needs constant attention, but it is understandable for a mother to feel exhausted if she is forced to take care of the baby without any help from her partner. In her video, Rebecca explained that she put her baby son in her crib and took a few minutes' break for lunch. "I put my baby in the crib, closed the door and went downstairs to have lunch," Rebecca explained, "I thought I could eat alone for 5 or 10 minutes. My husband came to me after two minutes saying the baby was crying". The woman explained to her husband that she needed a little break and that she would never interrupt her husband's work like this (he now works from home every day). Unexpectedly, the husband told her that he would take care of it: "Okay, I'll take care of the baby." Rebecca could not have been more grateful to him for the offer of help.

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TikTok / rebeccacraig47

TikTok / rebeccacraig47

The problem was that not even two minutes after the offer of help, the husband returned to his wife with his screaming son in his arms, telling her that he was unable to handle the child: "I hadn't even finished my lunch. I'm calling this fake help,” Rebecca said in her video. This episode is a classic example of what Rebecca calls "unhelpful help" or simply "no help"; in short, this occurs when it seems that there really are all the best intentions to help, but due to total incompetence, the lack of help turns the situation completely different. The video was commented on by many and a video from a nurse explainied that what had happened to Rebecca and her husband with the definition of "default parenting syndrome". This occurs when you find yourself in a situation where you supposedly get an offer of help from a partner, but when you respond by accepting that help, you get "a punch in the gut" - a metaphor that describes this dynamic. In conclusion, what emerges is that many women are exhausted by motherhood, and have a hard time, simply because their husbands are not very helpful. Or they pretend to help, when in reality they do less than nothing.
 
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