"I don't like my father's new partner and I don't want her at my wedding, but she refuses to stay at home"
August 10, 2022
The decision about who to invite to a wedding should be up to the bride and groom, but sometimes one might feel compelled to invite people you would prefer not to. This is the case of a bride who invited her divorced parents to her wedding along with their respective new partners, even though she would have preferred not to have her stepmother or stepfather attend. In a post on Reddit, the bride-to-be's stepmother explained that her stepdaughter, Kate, "never liked having an extended family" and had found her parents' divorce and their new unions (and new partners) difficult to deal with.
Although Kate extended wedding invitations to her parents and their new spouses, she told her grandmother that she planned to change her parents' invitations in order avoid her stepmother and stepfather from attending. "I have a 26-year-old stepdaughter, whom we call "Kate". Kate has never liked having an extended family, which I can understand. She has stepbrothers, but she doesn't recognize them and if someone asks her, she usually says she is an only daughter," explained the stepmother in her post on Reddit.
"We made the best of attempts, but she wasn't cut out to deal with two separate families. She hated going back and forth between us. She disliked us in general, and she hated having other people in her life. This all came to a head when she decided to get married."
"She moved out as soon as she could and has always been very independent. She was friendly when we met up with her, but she doesn't really like any of us. Her parents have tried to get her to change her attitude, but she's not interested. She's going to get married now. In the summer, my mother-in-law (who is a gossiper of note) came over to tell us that she had heard Kate talking about how she did not want to invite her parents to the ceremony, because she knew that would involve inviting me and her stepfather too, and she really doesn't want this. Of course, I felt hurt, but I think Kate has a right to do as she sees fit, within limits."
While Kate's mother's new partner accepted the wish and decided not to come to the wedding, (and received praise from the rest of the family for this), her stepmother could not accept this situation. The woman did not want to disrespect her stepdaughter, but stated that there are social rules that one cannot ignore - and one of these is being obliged to invite the partner of other invited parties to a wedding. For this stepmother, it was basically a matter of showing respect, which the young bride was not demonstrating.
"I explained all this and said that I will be attending. I certainly will not be staying at home all on my own on the day," concluded the stepmother.
Reddit users were quick to criticize the woman, however, claiming that her "pride and ego" are risking ruining Kate's wedding. They slammed the woman for going against the known wishes of her stepdaughter.
"She doesn't want you there and clearly she doesn't like you either. The only thing stopping you from not going is your ego and pride," wrote one user. "Your stepdaughter's happiness is more important than 'etiquette and social obligations', which are arbitrary rules that are forcing her to spend time with people she doesn't like," added another.