"My daughter is selfish!": A woman does not want to reveal to her mother which of the two grandchildren is her biological decendent
When a mother has more than one child, no matter which of the two or three is her biological offspring and which is not, the maternal instinct and the love that a mother gives to her little ones goes beyond purely scientific and natural ties. In the end, it doesn't matter whether a baby was born from one's womb or not, even if it's not biologically ours, we know we are exemplary mothers. Unfortunately, the modern concept of motherhood very often clashes with old traditions and preconceptions. For this reason an anonymous mother asked for advice on Reddit on how to manage the difficult behavior of her elderly mother, grandmother to her two children.
These are the words of the anonymous woman, who tells about her very particular experience on Reddit, and asks for advice on how to manage the insistence of her mother, grandmother to her children, who is anxious to know which of the two is the "biological" one: "I have 2 sons, Clark and Kent (invented names) and although they have the same father, only one of them is biologically my son. They were born within 6 months of each other. The boys are currently 6 years old and for various reasons I have the full custody of both. I had not spoken to anyone about my family for several years and was recontacted in 2019. I explained to them how this all happened, but in my explanation I neglected to tell them which boy was my biological son.
Since my ex had another girl, and the other woman resembled me so much, the boys could pass for twins. Same dark hair, blue eyes, fair skin, and dimples. My brother jokes that they look like little versions of Superman. People who know them refer to them as twins because, apart from a few minor differences, they are virtually identical. Frankly, if they had been closer in age and I had had full custody of both from the moment they were born, I suspect I would have confused them a lot as children.
Just before Clark's birthday last year, my mom asked if she could see his birth certificate. I asked her why and she said she wanted to know the exact time he was born, so I told her. She asked if she could see the certificate anyway. I asked why. She said she just wanted to check. I said I am his mother, I know when he was born. She then she asked the same thing about Kent and we had the same conversation. Eventually my mom admitted that she just wanted to see the biological mother's name on each certificate, which isn't even the way it works and I explained it to her.
This led to a discussion where my position was that I am their mother, and the biological link is irrelevant. My mom says if biology is irrelevant, then it's not a big deal to tell her which one of them is biologically mine. I said if she is so attached to biology then clearly it's a big deal to her and I don't want it to be a big deal at all, especially since the boys themselves don't know.
My mother told me that I am selfish, narcissistic and quite wrong. She feels that if biology isn't that big of a problem, then I shouldn't have a problem telling her if Clark or Kent is my biological child, and that accusing her of potential favoritism or something similar with her biological grandson is an unfair judgment without basis.
My partner agrees that I shouldn't tell anyone at least until my kids have decided for themselves if they want to know and want other people to know, but my whole family agrees with my mom that I'm unreasonably selfish and that my actions are now more likely to cause problems than my mother's potential actions. Am I wrong, perhaps?"
In a delicate situation like this, which side would you take, the side of the mother of the two children, or the side of the offended grandmother?