Tired of her mother-in-law's surprise visits, this young woman has a gate installed at the entrance to her driveway
June 28, 2022
It is said that when you get married, you agree to be part of your spouse's family as well. While this claim may sound strange and exaggerated, as it suggests that you have no choice but to put up with the partners family's foibles, there is a grain of truth to this saying. While some in-laws become the a wonderful second family, bringing joy and fulfillment, others turn out to be a thorn in the side - a thorn for which there is no remedy.
This is the case of a woman who recently shared her story on the Mumsnet forum.
Pixabay - Not the Actual Photo
The author of the story explained that her mother-in-law lives on the far side of town and has a tendency to show up at her front door without warning and without being invited. Usually, the woman shows up around 8:15 in the morning on working days, while the son - and husband of the author - starts work at 8:30.
In the man's family it's normal to visit the homes of others who all live in the same neighborhood, but the author doesn't really like surprise visits. "Being a very private and quite introverted person, I need time to mentally prepare myself for any extended visit or socialization. My husband told his mother to call or text us before inviting herself around, but she refused and replied: 'I don't need to ask, I'm your mother!' Needless to say, it didn't work out," the woman said.
In response, the couple had a huge side gate installed in the driveway, as the mother-in-law used to walk around the back and knock on the living room windows when the two didn't answer their front door. "Last summer we had guests we hadn't seen in a long time and she showed up in the back, walked in and joined us in the living room until my husband asked her to leave. I find it so pushy, rude and socially inept, but it seems that she does not realize this", continued the author.
Pixabay - Not the Actual Photo
The young wife and author explained that she cannot stand her mother-in-law's visits because she cannot hold an intelligent, engaging conversation. In the course of her "usual" chatter, the woman seems to limit herself to droning, boring monologues about her family tragedies and her work problems, until she finally bursts into tears. "When that happens, I sit down uncomfortably and my husband scans his phone, ignoring her. I honestly can't remember a time when she asked me how I am or what is going on in my life," she explained. For this reason, and not knowing how to solve the situation, the woman asked the web for advice.
The community has shown her a lot of solidarity and has gived some advice - almost all centered on a polite conversation, but directed towards the mother-in-law, in order to resolve the matter in a civil way. "Be honest. Next time she comes to see you, tell her clearly that you enjoy having time for yourself. Explain that your husband will contact her when he is done working to arrange a time for the family to get together. She may react as if you are being rude, but if you stay polite in the way you explain it, there is nothing to feel guilty about. It has become a habit and she may react badly if you try to stop her behavior, but don't back down!" one user advised.
How would you solve this problem?