An expert in couples therapy reveals the 6 habits that really make a relationship work
March 25, 2018
You met an interesting person, you dated for a while and you both saw the possibility of a stable and lasting relationship. But how do you make things work really well?
Guy Winch, an experienced couples therapy psychologist who has been listening to his patients for twenty years, reveals that there are basically three factors that determine the happiness of a relationship: empathy, emotional solidarity, and polite consideration.
To be able to implement them, it is necessary to adopt some new habits, that Winch and his colleagues have identified and described in the following way.
1. Compassion and empathy.
When you have lived together for some time, you might think that you already know each other very well. Yet taking this too much for granted could turn out to be an obstacle to the development of empathy and the ability to comfort and provide support to your partner in times of difficulty. Remember to be compassionate and try to put yourself in the other person's shoes, imagining what it means to live in a certain situation and forgetting one's own point of view will prove to be of great help.
2. Attention and kindness.
One of the most common mistakes? To forget over time the importance of small gestures, the power that an act of kindness or a demonstration of attention can have.
3. Team up, always.
Another risk that you run when you are together for some time is to behave as if the person next to us is just a roommate, rather than a life partner. What do we mean? For example, making decisions, even secondary ones, without talking to each other first. When we get lost in these dynamics, the chances of having quarrels and misunderstandings are very high.
4. Show gratitude.
Every act of kindness made towards us should be answered with a gesture of gratitude, which can also consist of a simple caress or a smile. To show that what the other does for us does not go unnoticed and that we value it is one of the dynamics that best contribute to the happiness of a couple because it makes us feel valued and respected.
5. Avoid making inferences.
Do you have a tendency to want to read between the lines at all costs? This could prove to be a very harmful habit! The risk is to end up always interpreting in your own way every your partner's opinion, to make assumptions that do nothing but create tensions and that can only lead to situations such as: "Why do you even ask me if you have already decided what I think?".
6. Take the other for granted.
The boundaries and responsibilities within a couple should not be taken for granted because to make things work well you need to be ready to change, prepared for the possibility that an unexpected event could change radically the way things are done.
7.Depending On Others For Your Happiness
There may be periods of "no" and certainly a loving partner will do everything to help us feel better, but the key to our happiness remains in our hands. It is important to remember this!
8. Talk about your partner behind their back.
In most cases opening up with others on personal issues that also affect your partner is something to be avoided, not just because the only person with whom you should strive to deal with a problem is the partner himself or herself, but also because while you could solve the issue in a short amount of time and even forget about it, the friends and relatives you have confided in will remember your words, bringing up the topic at the least opportune moment or otherwise developing a negative attitude towards your partner. If you really want to rely on the opinion of an external person, it would be better to talk to a psychologist.
If you follow these guidelines, you will be able to develop a relationship based on love and respect and you will have many more chances to see it last a long time ... In happiness!