8 reasons why many parents don't want their children to spend too much time with their grandmothers
When a child is born within a family with a relatively young mother and father, grandmorthers very often step in to give a hand, both emotional and practical, grandmothers can take care of it. Their experience of life, and of mothering, can often be a very precious to help a mother who is perhaps not too experienced in raising a little one in the best way. Unfortunately, it can happen that a grand mother's help, even when born from the best of intentions, becomes too intrusive for the child's mother.
This can generate a sort of conflict between the child's mother and her mother-in-law which can often be difficult to overcome. Here are some tips for overcoming this family impasse.
- Don't let your children be pampered by their grandmother too much: when a grandchild is alone with their grandmother, he is usually pampered and spoiled; if perhaps the child is used to doing a little housework with his parents, in their absence he is often allowed to take it easy and "exploit" his grandmother's affections, and she then frees him from any small responsibilities.
- Put limits on your family life: When a grandmother raises her grandchild and takes care of him during the day, it can happen that she becomes a little too involved in the organization of your personal life. Don't let this happen, it is always advisable to put set boundaries.
- Convince the grandmother not to use outdated child rearing techniques: grandmothers grew up in other historical periods, which were much tougher. For this reason they are still very attached to techniques of caring for a small child that today could be thought of as laughable or questionable. Society and the world change, but older people often don't seem to notice.
- Imposing your parenting model: for this reason it is very important that you as a parent are able to impose your methods, without overriding the opinions and points of view of the grandmother, but by convincing her that many techniques are not only outdated, but also no longer recommended by experts.
- Don't let the chldren be spoiled at the table: a whim or a tear from a grandchild can be enough to persuade a grandmother to give in and please the child, even when it comes to nutrition. Too much candy, dessert, or processed foods can make your child overweight.
- Don't let grandmothers be overprotective: often a grandmother who has to take care of her grandchild in the absence of the parents feels a great responsibility on her shoulders; for this reason she will often and willingly tend to protect the child excessively from external dangers: she does like them to watch too much television, few walks (because they might run away or get out of hand) and so on. However, growing up in this way could generate problems of social interaction in the youngest.
- You value your child more than your work: we know, your child spends more time with his grandmother than with you because you work full time; but don''t make this mistake: often children who grow up in this way, far from mum and dad, will tend in the future to hate work and to live a rebellious and capricious teenage life.
- Don't let others override your authority: one of the consequences of this attitude is that your children will learn over time to follow their grandmother's directions more than yours; in fact, grandmothers may do nothing but satisfy your child's ephemeral cravings and desires, while you are always away for work, and when you return home, you are too strict with the little one.
This is simple and practical advice to try to avoid arguments and friction within the home, and not to undermine the relationship of trust between grandmother and parent.