If your children have left the "nest", it is time to dedicate yourself to your life again

by Shirley Marie Bradby

March 30, 2019

If your children have left the "nest", it is time to dedicate yourself to your life again
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It is called the "empty nest syndrome" when children who have grown up leave the maternal and paternal home and become autonomous.

It can happen early or later, for school or work reasons, whatever the age, or motive. Nevertheless, it is a real trauma for parents, especially for mothers.

The house suddenly becomes big and empty, and as a parent, you have to adapt to a new phase of life. Here are some tips to manage this very important life change.

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Process the loss. When a child takes flight and leaves the next, the emotional state of a parent is similar to the grief felt when a loved one dies. Everyday gestures and habits change, making parents feel sad and discouraged. Parents must give themselves the time and the way to experience and cope with their child's absence, also with tears. What matters is to not cling to pain, because it needs to be metabolized, so that parents can move on with their lives. 

Adjust or modify the role of being a parent. Even if the children have left the house,  parents never cease to be mothers and fathers, indeed, now more than ever your children will need help, support, and advice, but without you invading their new autonomous space. This attitude will make sadness disappear and allow young people to benefit from the wisdom of those who have already experienced the situations they are now facing alone. 

Voids should not be contemplated but filled. With each change, we often tend to focus too much on what has passed and is no longer there, instead of being active, filling absences, and correcting deficiencies. If you have more time now, you can resume an abandoned project, rediscover past passions, dedicate yourself to others, and to the community. One must never forget that as parents, one we must always set a good example for one's children, and never just let oneself go, but instead show that parents are capable of reinventing ourselves and of channeling their energy and skills.

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If your children have left the "nest", it is time to dedicate yourself to your life again - 2

Rediscover the life of a couple. The last but extremely important piece of advice that one can take when one's children have left home is to never have stopped living fully the intimacy of being in a loving relationship with your partner.

However, if over the years this aspect has been a little neglected due to the commitment to raising your children, then this is a good opportunity to resume healthy habits such as traveling, going out and sharing time together. It is time to remember how it was before the children were born; and, how neither of you were alone because the two of you were always "together".

In this way, not only will you experience this important life change more calmly but also your children will be less worried knowing that their parents are content and still love each other.

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